Here are 10 sure fire signs that we’re on a Moms’ Night Out:
- We’re breathless with anticipation.
By the time we run the kid and husband gauntlet and sneak a few deep breaths into a paper bag you’d better watch the hell out! Sure, we arrive late and yes, we look a bit windblown but don’t underestimate us. We are ready to par-tay!
- We’d like that on the rocks- ASAP!
We want a cocktail and we want it now. No hemming and hawing here. We’ve been dreaming of this beverage since we woke up to: “Mom, I’m done!” Upon first sight of the waitress, we get our order in. Bam. Just like that.
- The menu means fuck all to us
Sure, when it comes to our drinks, we’re on it. Our menus, on the other hand, are not even on our radar. We’re far too immersed in our female, adult only conversations to take notice. Luckily, we’re a group of moms so one of us soon takes control and we get some food ordered.
- A mom or two are there, in spirit only
We often lose a few moms leading up to the night and then, on the day, we lose at least one more. Why? Because that’s the nature of the game. When “life” happens, the mom needs to be there. And when it comes to a night out, “life” denies at least one mom her freedom.
- Comfy is the new cool
We aren’t likely to come tittering out in a pair of sky high stilettos. Nope, not us moms. Wedges are more our scene because, quite frankly, we like to be safe. We also like to keep our sciatic nerve issues at bay and besides, we aren’t interested in losing sleep to a late night charlie horse.
- We’ve perfected the 15 minute makeover
Well, ok we haven’t totally perfected it but we’ve become accustomed to having our “getting ready time” high jacked by the needs of others and because of this, we’ve now got the messy bun down to a science and we have no qualms putting our make-up on in the car.
- Maxi dresses are a mom’s BFF
This is true mainly because they’re an entire outfit all in one, which works nicely into our 15 minute makeover timeline. The fact that they are full length is ideal when we make the discovery of one hairy leg and one smooth. Plus these sexy, feminine wonders offer space and comfort in which to accommodate our chocolate cheesecake.
- There’s a witch at our table
There isn’t really. It’s just a cackling mom (like me) with her laughing friends. We laugh and laugh and we cackle because that’s how we roll. We’re there to talk about our daily screw ups, sex fails and, of course, funny tales of life before marriage. We’re in it for the laughs so don’t sit near us if you want to hear the people you’re with.
- When the clock strikes 12… we’re in bed
It’s true. We are pretty responsible like that. After some good chats, a careful balance of water to wine and a few dangerously satisfying yawns, we happily head home to our comfy beds. Ready for the next day.
10. We wanna party like it’s 1999
And we don’t give a shit if we look cool or who the hell else is around us. We just want to cut loose to Rhythm is a Dancer and have a few more drinks. Is this too much to ask? Sadly, when the morning comes and we wake up to: “Mom, I’m done!” we’ll wish it was still 1999 but it won’t be. And the day will be long, very, very long. We’ll look like Bernie, from Weekend at Bernie’s, and we’ll vow, with all of our might, to never feel this way again.