What Makes a Mom Say: “F*ck a Duck!”?

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Occasionally, in this motherhood life that we live, swearing is necessary. You know it. I know it. It’s just a fact.

Sometimes we shout our swear words.

Sometimes we mumble them.

Sometimes we implement middle finger yoga.

Often times, we simply think our swear words; no need for vocals or gestures.

Recently, I’ve noted myself being super “mom-like” with the very hip usage of the phrase: “Fuck a duck!”

I used to just say a simple: “Fuck!”  Sometimes, I still do.  But since becoming a mom, somehow along the way, I’ve added “a duck” to my “fuck.”

And I’m not the only one!  I recently reached out to friends, in real life and online, and discovered that I was not the only mom who has added “a duck” to her “fuck.”

I then became curious as to what was making my fellow moms swear, this week. So I asked them. These were their hilarious responses:

What makes a mom say: “Fuck a duck!”?

  1. When I put the milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge. – Cousin Beckster, Canada
  2. When I spend 10 minutes I don’t have looking for my phone with my phone in my hand. – Maureen from Magnificence in the Mundane
  3. When I have a puking princess and a dog that refuses to shit outside. Andrea from Get Fit with Andrea Luna.
  4. When we return from a beautiful 2 week vacation in the Caribbean and can’t find the keys to the car. After we, along with the flight attendants, tear apart the carry-ons, I make sure to tell my husband this would never have happened if I had been in charge of the keys! I then find the keys in my pocket, once we get home. –Tammy, Canada
  5. When I wake up to my husband sporting a raging boner, and at that moment I remember I’m no longer on my period… – Anonymous in Canada.
  6. While mid downward dog, I discover baby shit on my yoga pants. – Amy, USA.
  7. When a fart is more than just a fart and you are at a christening for the day. Anonymous in the USA
  8. When I spend one hour cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom; everything is in pristine condition and I am finally at peace. Five minutes later, I return to find a pile of cheese wrappers, a banana peel, and a wadded napkin on the kitchen counter top directly ABOVE the trash can. Writer, Alison Huff.
  9. When I sit through a 4 hour flight with baby shit all over my shirt. Dana, Canada.
  10. When my 2 year-old writes with gold sharpie on my dark granite. ALL over it. And my 7 yr old walks around the house vomiting through the night. Donna, USA

Fuck a duck, indeed!

There is never a shortage of  fuck a duck-worthy situations in the life of a mom which is why we deserve a nice martini to toast with as we digress into the moment at hand.

Therefore, I present The Fuck a Ducktini:

Ducktini

For moms who digress… 

What you’ll need:

  • 1 oz. of vodka
  • 1 oz. of pineapple juice
  • 1 oz. orange juice
  • 1. oz of Baby Duck Sparkling wine.

Method:

  1. Fill a metal shaker with ice and add the above ingredients, including the juice of one large lime slice.
  2. Shake, shake, shake your booty and your shaker.
  3. Strain this bad girl into your martini glass.
  4. Garnish with a duck and zero fucks.

Toast: to swearing, to sharing, and to … ducks.

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

Final Book Cover

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Exude it and it Will Come

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If ever you feel insecure, or unsure, intimidated or out of your depth- just exude confidence and it will eventually come.

Exude confidence. This was my teenage mantra. I combined the two words back in the early ‘90s, while making my way through the tumultuous high school years. It makes me laugh now, because I remember feeling like the word: exude was all encompassing, and ever so powerful. Broken hearts, mean girl drama, disappointments and, of course, hormones. Each of these were made easier, with my mantra backin’ me up. Continue reading