Farewell Ironing Pile, Hello Joy

Screaming Housewife With Steam Iron

They say it takes two to tango and I agree.

I’ve been there.

I’ve done the dance.

I’ve ridden the rollercoaster.

Our relationship brought out the worst in me.

We were not compatible.

We did not click.

In fact, our union was doomed from the start. But, everyone else was dancing the same tango and they weren’t complaining. Piles of ironing to do each week was simply part of the UK way of life.

And somehow, even though I was Canadian, my British husband got caught up in the idea of you and I trying to make it work.

I mean, I was the one at home while he was out in the workforce so… you fell into the category of “shit I needed to take care of.”  But, I kinda resented you, all of you, as you gathered in a pile, waiting for my attention each week.

After a ten year–somewhat surreal–experience; and a move from the UK to Canada, I finally put my foot down!

I said: “Fuck this! T-shirts and jeans do not need to be ironed! I AM CANADIAN (proud and true) and this goes against my roots; my heritage, if you will. We do not iron this stuff, in my homeland!”

I then turned to my husband’s dress shirts, with unbreakable will, and said: “You, my pesky friends, are going to the Dry Cleaners!”

Sure, in the UK, people iron everything: jeans, underwear, pillow cases, and towels but we live in Canada now.  And here, we don’t do that. That’s what our big, spacious dryers are for. They do the ironing for us.

So now, we all wear ever-so-slightly wrinkled attire and I take my husband’s dress shirts to the cleaners. I mean, it’s only $1.87 per shirt to have them cleaned and ironed. And every time I drop the shirts off, I leave with a little extra bounce in my step and a sense of gratefulness in my heart.

No more piles, no more steam, no more annoying comments like: “you’ve missed an entire strip of fabric.”

Nope. No more bullshit.

I am proud to report that our iron is gathering dust these days. (As it should be). And we have settled into our Canadian way of life, because a few wrinkles never hurt anyone but I’m sure a housewife with a hot iron could…

 

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

Final Book Cover

 

 

 

 

If You Give a Mom a Martini…

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If you give a mom a martini,

And a weekend with her friends

She’ll talk and laugh and laugh some more

Live it up, until the end!

Because a mom who’s with her girlfriends

Is a happy mom indeed.

She can just be who she is,

Let her inner-self be freed!

If you give a mom a martini

Fireside, by the lake

That mom will be so thankful

For the comfort and a break.

And if that mom does eat,

Tasty food made just for her,

A smile will form upon her face

Like a kitty cat’s gracious prrrrrrrr.

And if that weekend ends

With, say, a mom who’s stuck in traffic,

It frets her not, for she is calm

And feeling so fantastic.

And even if once home,

 “re-entry” is a bitch

She’ll  still be chillin’ inside

For in memories, she is rich

So give a mom a martini.

And a weekend away

Just give her a martini, dammit!

She, too, deserves to play.

This poem has been inspired by Moms’ Martini Getaway at Bonnie View Inn.