What Makes a Mom Say: “F*ck a Duck!”?

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Occasionally, in this motherhood life that we live, swearing is necessary. You know it. I know it. It’s just a fact.

Sometimes we shout our swear words.

Sometimes we mumble them.

Sometimes we implement middle finger yoga.

Often times, we simply think our swear words; no need for vocals or gestures.

Recently, I’ve noted myself being super “mom-like” with the very hip usage of the phrase: “Fuck a duck!”

I used to just say a simple: “Fuck!”  Sometimes, I still do.  But since becoming a mom, somehow along the way, I’ve added “a duck” to my “fuck.”

And I’m not the only one!  I recently reached out to friends, in real life and online, and discovered that I was not the only mom who has added “a duck” to her “fuck.”

I then became curious as to what was making my fellow moms swear, this week. So I asked them. These were their hilarious responses:

What makes a mom say: “Fuck a duck!”?

  1. When I put the milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge. – Cousin Beckster, Canada
  2. When I spend 10 minutes I don’t have looking for my phone with my phone in my hand. – Maureen from Magnificence in the Mundane
  3. When I have a puking princess and a dog that refuses to shit outside. Andrea from Get Fit with Andrea Luna.
  4. When we return from a beautiful 2 week vacation in the Caribbean and can’t find the keys to the car. After we, along with the flight attendants, tear apart the carry-ons, I make sure to tell my husband this would never have happened if I had been in charge of the keys! I then find the keys in my pocket, once we get home. –Tammy, Canada
  5. When I wake up to my husband sporting a raging boner, and at that moment I remember I’m no longer on my period… – Anonymous in Canada.
  6. While mid downward dog, I discover baby shit on my yoga pants. – Amy, USA.
  7. When a fart is more than just a fart and you are at a christening for the day. Anonymous in the USA
  8. When I spend one hour cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom; everything is in pristine condition and I am finally at peace. Five minutes later, I return to find a pile of cheese wrappers, a banana peel, and a wadded napkin on the kitchen counter top directly ABOVE the trash can. Writer, Alison Huff.
  9. When I sit through a 4 hour flight with baby shit all over my shirt. Dana, Canada.
  10. When my 2 year-old writes with gold sharpie on my dark granite. ALL over it. And my 7 yr old walks around the house vomiting through the night. Donna, USA

Fuck a duck, indeed!

There is never a shortage of  fuck a duck-worthy situations in the life of a mom which is why we deserve a nice martini to toast with as we digress into the moment at hand.

Therefore, I present The Fuck a Ducktini:

Ducktini

For moms who digress… 

What you’ll need:

  • 1 oz. of vodka
  • 1 oz. of pineapple juice
  • 1 oz. orange juice
  • 1. oz of Baby Duck Sparkling wine.

Method:

  1. Fill a metal shaker with ice and add the above ingredients, including the juice of one large lime slice.
  2. Shake, shake, shake your booty and your shaker.
  3. Strain this bad girl into your martini glass.
  4. Garnish with a duck and zero fucks.

Toast: to swearing, to sharing, and to … ducks.

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

Final Book Cover

Sweet Kisses (A Kiss & Tell + Martini Recipe)

 

Beauty Young Woman Blowing Hearts from her Hands. St. Valentines

Feel the power!

Hey there, Sweet Lips. Yes, I’m talking to you! When was the last time those lovely lips of yours felt the gorgeously, sweet; heart-melting bliss of a kiss?  For me, it was this morning. My youngest daughter planted one on me, while I slept. It was meant to be the kiss of a princess and, well, I guess that made me the queen or perhaps I was supposed to be the prince?

Who knows what the intentions were. But, for that simple moment in time (the moment before we succumbed to our usual morning routine), I was the queen; a smiling, happy queen.

And then, at the breakfast table, we argued about why Nutella, in a bowl, is not an acceptable meal choice and why putting your foot on your sister’s plate is not a cool thing to do. (Even under the guise of Table Yoga). And, just like that, the sweetness of our morning’s start got overshadowed by the battles-at-hand.

Yet, the power of the kiss was still there! It was still emanating its simple message–though hard to see through the angry growls and furrowed brows.

Besides, a new kiss would surely take its place again sometime soon.

Because even if hugs, kisses, smiles, and moments of connection are followed by a toddler meltdown, a sibling showdown, or a battle of wills; those sweet, little acts of affection have real power. They have the power to ground us, in the moment that we’re in, and remind us of what really matters.

And what really matters is: LOVE.

We are privileged to have it and to be able to share it with our kids and our partners, our family and our friends.

So, in honour of those sweet (and oh-so-powerful) kisses, I present: The Sweet Kisses Martini.

 

Sweet Kisses Martini 3

 

For moms who give and receive the sweetest of kisses.

 

 

What you’ll need:

  • 2 oz. of vodka
  • 1 oz. of passion fruit liqueur
  • 1 oz. of cranberry juice
  • 2 slices of lime (one for garnish)

Method:

  1. Fill a metal shaker with ice and add the above ingredients, including the juice of one large lime slice.
  2. Shake, shake, shake your booty and your shaker.
  3. Strain the beautiful mixture into your martini glass of choice.
  4. Garnish with a lime (and a kiss).

 

Toast: to sweet kisses, to hits and misses, and to love.

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

 

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A Silly Song, an Old Story and a Birthday Cake Martini…

It’s sort of like a party here today at Martinis and Motherhood.  Reason being, we are officially one year old! And to honour our birthday, I thought it would be kinda cool to celebrate together by taking a scoot back to where it all began – with a re-print of my first post: Cocktails and Canvases.

Then, I’ll be shaking up a very tasty martini. And I think you should make yourself one too.

But, before we can proceed, Mindy Miller (of Mindy’s World fame) wanted to dedicate her Birthday video to us. She’s insisting that it be shown right away. Continue reading

Life After the Buck ‘n Fawns

By: Shannon Day

Sometimes when a mom is at home with her young, for extended periods of time, she can feel a wee bit claustrophobic, like a muskrat in a trap. I know firsthand how this feels. I’ve been that mom, that trapped mom. And I know, I’ll be her again…

This captivity-like existence often strikes while my husband is away. Throw in a few stomach bugs, a never ending winter and our home transforms into a suffocating trap with my little critters and I as the tormented creatures inside. During such times I yearn deeply to break free, like a woodland creature would if she were locked inside a cage

The mind of a trapped mom can be somewhat fantastical and, in my case, borderline fable-like. During these times, I fantasize…

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The Aunt Agnes Martini

Sometimes, when I share my opinions about current pop culture and such, I sound like Old Aunt Agnes: unhip, out of touch and closed minded, like the perfect BF for the pastor in Footloose. (To hear more about what I really think, check out Bring Back the Tucked in Sweater)

Well, the bubbles around the kids are bursting whether Old Aunt Agnes and I like it or not.

Continue reading