Occasionally, in this motherhood life that we live, swearing is necessary. You know it. I know it. It’s just a fact.
Sometimes we shout our swear words.
Sometimes we mumble them.
Sometimes we implement middle finger yoga.
Often times, we simply think our swear words; no need for vocals or gestures.
Recently, I’ve noted myself being super “mom-like” with the very hip usage of the phrase: “Fuck a duck!”
I used to just say a simple: “Fuck!” Sometimes, I still do. But since becoming a mom, somehow along the way, I’ve added “a duck” to my “fuck.”
And I’m not the only one! I recently reached out to friends, in real life and online, and discovered that I was not the only mom who has added “a duck” to her “fuck.”
I then became curious as to what was making my fellow moms swear, this week. So I asked them. These were their hilarious responses:
What makes a mom say: “Fuck a duck!”?
- When I put the milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge. – Cousin Beckster, Canada
- When I spend 10 minutes I don’t have looking for my phone with my phone in my hand. – Maureen from Magnificence in the Mundane
- When I have a puking princess and a dog that refuses to shit outside. Andrea from Get Fit with Andrea Luna.
- When we return from a beautiful 2 week vacation in the Caribbean and can’t find the keys to the car. After we, along with the flight attendants, tear apart the carry-ons, I make sure to tell my husband this would never have happened if I had been in charge of the keys! I then find the keys in my pocket, once we get home. –Tammy, Canada
- When I wake up to my husband sporting a raging boner, and at that moment I remember I’m no longer on my period… – Anonymous in Canada.
- While mid downward dog, I discover baby shit on my yoga pants. – Amy, USA.
- When a fart is more than just a fart and you are at a christening for the day. Anonymous in the USA
- When I spend one hour cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom; everything is in pristine condition and I am finally at peace. Five minutes later, I return to find a pile of cheese wrappers, a banana peel, and a wadded napkin on the kitchen counter top directly ABOVE the trash can. Writer, Alison Huff.
- When I sit through a 4 hour flight with baby shit all over my shirt. Dana, Canada.
- When my 2 year-old writes with gold sharpie on my dark granite. ALL over it. And my 7 yr old walks around the house vomiting through the night. Donna, USA
Fuck a duck, indeed!
There is never a shortage of fuck a duck-worthy situations in the life of a mom which is why we deserve a nice martini to toast with as we digress into the moment at hand.
Therefore, I present The Fuck a Ducktini:
For moms who digress…
What you’ll need:
- 1 oz. of vodka
- 1 oz. of pineapple juice
- 1 oz. orange juice
- 1. oz of Baby Duck Sparkling wine.
- Fill a metal shaker with ice and add the above ingredients, including the juice of one large lime slice.
- Shake, shake, shake your booty and your shaker.
- Strain this bad girl into your martini glass.
- Garnish with a duck and zero fucks.
Toast: to swearing, to sharing, and to … ducks.
Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! Available now on Amazon.