My Husband Hates My Lover….

Free Happy Woman Enjoying Nature. Beauty Girl Outdoor. Freedom c

Like a temperate pool’s caress…

I’ve got a new lover in my life.

She’s a dress. But, not just any old dress. Long and flowing, she wraps herself around me, gently; like a temperate pool’s caress on the booty of a skinny dipper.

Whenever I wear her, I feel fresh and full of life. Her effects, at times, transcend me to places of an almost spiritual nature. I honestly don’t think anything could be more feminine and uplifting than she.

Heavenly. She is so damn heavenly. And I feel grateful to have discovered her on a lonely sales rack last month. Continue reading

How I Met My Husband…

John and I

 

Did I ever tell you about how John and I met?  It happened late one Saturday night, in January 2003 at a bar in Hong Kong. We met. We laughed. And, yes, we made-out like crazy teenagers. When the sun came up, our rendezvous ended, and we went our separate ways with a plan to meet the following weekend. Same place. Same time.  And so we did. And the story of “us” officially began.

Now, did I ever tell you about the events leading up to our meeting?  The ones that make me question whether or not destiny, herself, may have played a small hand in our union?

Well, I wrote a short story about it and it can be found in this fab new book!  Once Upon an Expat shares an ecclectic collection of funny and heart-tugging stories told by women writers from around the globe.  And I am so excited to have my story, A Man From Another Land, within its pages.

 

It’s available on Amazon and all author royalties will be donated to Books Abroad, helping promote literacy and education in developing countries.

 

Once Upon Promo

The Battle of the Black Boots

Black boots

If you see a pair of boots that look like these, call me…

 

A few weeks ago, my new boots were just sitting by the front door, minding their own business, when my husband walked in. He glanced down, at my spiffy purchase and, with a face scrunched up, like a disgruntled Shitsu, he said: “What’s with those boots? Are they yours or Ava’s?”

“Mine,” I replied, with a hint of pride in my tone. They were quite unique, after all.

“You’re 40. Not 14,” he said, smirking in that know-it-all way that husbands (who think they know-it-all) do.

I didn’t respond. Nope. I just looked at him because sometimes a look is all you need. I simply smiled, sort of like this:

Miranda

while silently committing to wearing my new boots as often as possible, especially while out with him.

And that’s what I did. I wore the boots. All. The. Time. Our daughters complimented me on them, while John rolled his eyes. He even made a few comments about the boots, in front of the girls, but I soon took it upon myself to turn such moments into lessons in individuality and feminism.

“You see girls, Dad doesn’t like my boots. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t still like my boots. I am my own person and if I like the boots then that’s all that matters!”

This went on casually and consistently for a few weeks. Until yesterday, actually.

Yesterday, the boots went missing.

I know he took them. He knows that I know he took them. I have no idea where they are and he’s not telling me. So, now I have no option but to dig out the old floral sweatpants, that he also dislikes. It just makes sense. Besides, they are so comfy.

And tonight, you can be sure, I’ll be wearing my white gown to bed. Because why wait ‘til summer when I can annoy my husband all year round.

 

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

Final Book Cover

 

Exude it and it Will Come

Camel

If ever you feel insecure, or unsure, intimidated or out of your depth- just exude confidence and it will eventually come.

Exude confidence. This was my teenage mantra. I combined the two words back in the early ‘90s, while making my way through the tumultuous high school years. It makes me laugh now, because I remember feeling like the word: exude was all encompassing, and ever so powerful. Broken hearts, mean girl drama, disappointments and, of course, hormones. Each of these were made easier, with my mantra backin’ me up. Continue reading

Girl Drama & A Helicopter Mama

 

helicopter meme

 

tuka tuka tuka tuka tuka tuka tukA tuKA tUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA! 

Do you hear that? That’s me, helicoptering in. I’m flying low here, binoculars at the ready. I just can’t seem to help myself! I’m not always a helicopter parent, by the way. It’s just that lately I’ve been feeling compelled to keep a watchful eye over my middle daughter, Zed.

It seems things are getting a tad rocky on the friendship front. She and her girlfriends just aren’t as close and loyal to one another, as they once were. It’s bound to happen, I guess.

They’re testing out the friendships’ boundaries, through trial and error. I’m pretty sure unappealing feelings like jealousy and insecurity have been creeping in. Hormones may even be playing a part, here. Words (and silence) are being used as weapons and also as shields. They aren’t being as nice to each other as they once were and they’ve been falling out for weeks.

But this is how kids grow and learn. This is how kids develop their strength of character, right? I know… but being human (especially a female human) can be complex at times. And I feel for my little Zed as she faces all this complication, alongside her friends.

I know how it is. I get it! I’ve been a little girl, and a bossy one to boot. I understand that all of this is a process that they need to navigate through. But it’s hard not to hover above, in my mom-copter!

This morning, at school drop-off, a few pals, who up until recently would have waited for Zed, didn’t wait. Instead they pretended not to see us and they just walked by, heads tilted in the opposite direction.

“That’s not very nice.” I’d said, loudly enough for the girls to hear. “You can walk with your sisters, Zed,” I added. So, that’s what she did.

I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn’t.

It’s just that Zed is a thoughtful, kindhearted kid by nature. This is not to say that she hasn’t taken part in some of the current drama. I’m sure she has. But, most often, she treats people well and she likes to keep the peace (she is the middle child, after all). She’s a sweet girl and it’s hard to see her go through this. Though I know she’ll be okay.

So, I think it’d be best if, from now on, I fly my copter a wee bit higher. Zed and her friends will navigate through these growing pains in their own time, they don’t need me hovering around. But first, before I fly off into the distance to find the perfect look-out, I need to make a few calls to the other moms.

 

 

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

 

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00067]

 

 

Top Five Faves of 2015

Man And Woman At The Bar - Vector Illustration.

Well, it’s has been another fab year of writing and I’d like to say, “Thank you!” for your continued support! It means a lot to me. Here are the top five posts from Martinis and Motherhood for 2015.

5. What Happens in Vegas… 

One of the highest hands in poker a Spades Royal Flush on a red

This post was widely read and, funnily enough, it had ladies googling: “Shannon Day’s Husband” in what I assume was an attempt to see a picture of John! When Mamapedia shared this piece it brought almost 2,000 visitors to my site which was the most I’d seen in one day.

If you missed it, here is the fifth most popular post of 2015: What Happens in Vegas (Reflections of a Non-Jealous Wife).

Continue reading

I’ve Taken a New Lover …

“Just the two of us. We can make it if we try. Just the two of us. You and I…. “

I’ve got a new lover in my life.

She’s a dress. But, not just any old dress. Long and flowing, she wraps herself around me, gently; like a temperate pool’s caress on the booty of a skinny dipper.

Whenever I wear her, I feel fresh and full of life. Her effects, at times, transcend me to places of an almost spiritual nature. I honestly don’t think anything could be more feminine and uplifting than she.

Heavenly. She is so damn heavenly. And I feel grateful to have discovered her on a lonely sales rack last month.

Her under layer, the finest of jersey. Her outer, a raw silk that bellows when I walk.

My girlfriends see her beauty and have caressed her, enviously. But my husband, on the other hand,  doesn’t get it. He just doesn’t appreciate her…

To read more about this love triangle, head over to BLUNTmoms.

If you’ve chuckled a bit, you may also enjoy reading about last year’s sweatpants love affair. (A tale of too much too soon.) Click here.

The Day I Cycled from Niagara to China: A Wine Tour Tale

From Pigs to Pinot

We’ve decided to do a wine tour in Niagara-on-the-Lake and I’m about to get on a bike for the first time in years.

Memories of being on a bicycle in China come to mind.

Our friends have their hearts set on cycling from winery to winery so with a hint of reluctance, we’ve agreed to it.

Like a child first learning to ride, I wobble and sway and then with an unstoppable smile and a genuine concern for my own safety… I’m off!

Off like the wind, not off in a ditch.

The sun is shining and I’m feeling wild and free because I don’t have to worry about the kids. They’re happy at home, doing crafts and having fun with my parents. And also because, riding a bike feels foreign, refreshing and so does the peacefulness of the nature around us.

Our laughter fills the air.

To the wineries we’ll go… Continue reading

What Happens in Vegas … {Reflections of a Non-Jealous Wife}

One of the highest hands in poker a Spades Royal Flush on a red

My husband is hot. Men envy his muscular physique. Women lust after his sexy, chiseled features. Grandmothers make comments like: “all men should look like that.” Even the babysitter goes all shy when he answers the door.

Whenever he strolls along, hand in hand, with our kids, he’s a magnet for admiring glances. You can just imagine what happened, back in the day, when he was adorned with a baby in a papoose. He got oogled and ogled, of course. Because women, of all ages, just love a hot dad.

He knows he’s gorgeous, though. It’s nothing new.

Just last month he was in Vegas for a work convention. After a night out with some colleagues, he went back to his room to find two bikini-clad 20-somethings in the hallway by his door. The girls, part of a bachelorette weekend, were staying in the room across from him.

They invited my husband to join them for a drink. IN THEIR ROOM!

He declined their offer and told them he was married. The one wet-T champion wannabe, responded that she was engaged (to an ever-so lucky man, I must add) and enquired if he was, in fact, happily married…

So, ya. This is my life! Not every minute but sometimes.

It’s beyond my control, though, because the extra attention and the potential temptations simply come with the territory. My husband is a handsome businessman who travels for work. It’s part of his job to be away from home and he certainly can’t stop the fact that he looks amazing in a suit.

Recently, I was telling the Vegas story to a friend. Her response was: “I would hate that. Don’t you ever worry?” I didn’t have to think about my answer, which was: “No, I don’t.”

The fact is, I trust in my instinct. I trust him. I haven’t any reason not to. And upon further contemplation, I have plenty of reasons to…

Let me count the ways:

  1. He had lots of freedom in his younger years to do what he wanted to do. So I figure, he’s been there and done that.
  2. He has a mind of his own and isn’t swayed to do things he doesn’t want to do. I know he’s capable of saying no.
  3. He’s a dedicated dad who prioritizes time with me and the kids. This lets me know that he values our family.
  4. He calls me when he’s away, to make sure the doors are locked and to ask what we ate for dinner. Yes, this is everyday hum drum chat but it tells me that he cares and that he’s thinking of us.
  5. He makes plans for us to go out, just the two of us or with friends. This shows me that he values our relationship.
  6. Sometimes he tells me that I look beautiful which obviously makes me feel… sort of beautiful.
  7. If he’s away, and depending on the time zone, he’ll text or call me to say good night, every night. I don’t actually, ever have to call him. The man is consistent.
  8. When women do put the moves on him, he tells me about it. This makes me feel like I’m “in the know.”
  9. He also buys me chocolate. Yes, choc-o-late! This indicates, without a doubt, that he gets me. Well, let’s not get carried away BUT he knows that I like chocolate and he brings it to me.
  10. And, finally, a subtle (yet fantastic) indicator that we are doin’ ok is, he smacks my butt.  He does this in passing, on a regular basis. Obviously, butt smacking= I want your ass, which is encouraging. Because as long as he wants mine, he’s less likely to want someone else’s. Am I right?

If that fades away, then maybe I’ll start to worry, but until then my husband has my trust.

So, bikini-clad girls, if you happen to be reading this and before you go chasing after my, or anybody else’s faithful, family-loving husband (I know such qualities do tend to make a man even more lust-worthy) there are a few things you should know.  My man is…one of those loud chewers. Seriously, even when his mouth is closed it’s like “NOM NOM NOM!” He also leaves his snot rags all over the house, you do not want to be around during hay fever season. And he has some serious know-it-all tendencies. Like, majorly. Why am I telling you this? Because… the grass surrounding him, isn’t greener. It’s just different.

So, here’s a tip from a non-jealous wife to all the classy ladies: “Tend to your own lawn or find a vacant patch of meadow where you can frolic wild, and free.” You just want a shag, you say?  A fun night? Well, to that, I reply: “a romp in the Vegas hay is nothing compared to sharing a life with an amazing guy like mine.”  And, in order to share a life with a guy like mine, you’ll need more than a bikini and a room key.