Exude it and it Will Come

Camel

If ever you feel insecure, or unsure, intimidated or out of your depth- just exude confidence and it will eventually come.

Exude confidence. This was my teenage mantra. I combined the two words back in the early ‘90s, while making my way through the tumultuous high school years. It makes me laugh now, because I remember feeling like the word: exude was all encompassing, and ever so powerful. Broken hearts, mean girl drama, disappointments and, of course, hormones. Each of these were made easier, with my mantra backin’ me up. Continue reading

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Damn you, Fuller House, for Making Me the A**hole!  

 

 

 

Why, Fuller House?

WHY?!

We were all so excited about your arrival! After all, we’d been watching your old ‘90s re-runs for months in anticipation of your reunion.

And then, the moment arrived.

“Mom! MOM! Fuller House is here!” My middle daughter shouted with excitement.

So, of course, we made popcorn and we got out the chocolate and the candy.

We. Were. Ready.

All cuddled up together, on the couch, we pressed: PLAY.

With the exception of Uncle Jesse’s semen joke, and the fact that Stephanie’s boobs threatened to break free at any moment, your first episode was fine, I guess…

I liked it, because I wanted to like it. And we carried on watching.

But, by episode three, the ladies, of your G-rated show, were hitting a nightclub. “Bar Star” Kimmy, DJ (+ her genuinely impressive legs and cleavage) and Steph (who expertly modeled to my 6 and 8-year-old girls how to get drinks without spending a dime) danced the night away, fueled by tequila, with letchy men they’d just met.

During this episode, Kimmy shows my daughters what to do if you face your cheating, soon-to-be ex husband. You start by dancing seductively with him, of course! Until his new, younger, girlfriend arrives and insults you. You then must show your ex, and his young lover, that you’ve still got it! So, obviously, you do a lesbian dance, to I’ve Had the Time of My Life, with your BFF. BOOM take that Fernando! “Nobody puts the Gibbler in the corner!”

I mean, this is just what every 6 year-old girl needs to be watching on a Friday night while munching popcorn in her Hello Kitty pajamas, right?

So, thanks Fuller House. Thanks a lot. Because now, I’m the asshole that has to pull the plug on your G-rated family show.

I’m the jerk here, who is currently being given the stink eye by my middle daughter, who I simply want to shelter from at least some of the constant barrage of anti-feminist, overly-sexualized messages that the media presents daily. I really feel like we, as parents, have become too complacent and too relaxed with what we accept as “the norm.” I absolutely include myself in this statement! There are lots of times when the kids have the TV on and I’m not in there, therefore not fully aware of what they’re watching. I simply put my trust in the idea that it’s a G-rated show. Yet, so often these shows are filled with messages of a shallow and materialistic nature.

I am not always hardcore like this but Fuller House, in particular episode three, brought out my protective side. The side that questions the constant onslaught of unhealthy messages being fed to our young boys and girls. The side that is pissed off by how often such messages objectify women and belittle their self-worth. The feminist side of me, that my mother modeled, and that I hope to pass on to my daughters.

Someday, I will tell my daughters to always have a purse with their own money in it, and to buy your own drinks. But now is not the time!

Someday, I’ll happily suggest that an outfit for a night out might feature a bit of cleavage OR a bit of leg, in my old school opinion. Not both. But now is not the time!

Someday, I’ll explain that when someone cheats on you again and again, you don’t go back to him because if a person loves you, if he truly cherishes you as you deserve to be cherished, then he wouldn’t cheat on you in the first place. But now is not the time!

Someday, this show might be appropriate for my daughters to watch. But now is absolutely not the time!

So thanks, Fuller House, for making me the asshole…

Moms’ Martini Getaway, Haliburton Highlands

MOMS' MARTINIGETAWAY (1)

I have an exciting announcement to make! On Friday April 8th until Sunday the 10th, we (Martinis & Motherhood) will be hosting/partaking in a fun-filled, rejuvenating, martini-sipping weekend at Bonnie View Inn, in the beautiful Haliburton Highlands!

And, of course, you’re invited to join us!

There will be yoga, Zumba, and hiking. There will be eating, drinking, and laughing. There will be a book reading/talk and the chance to order some of the martinis from Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  (Will you go for The Pelvic Floor Martini, The Shit-Storm or The Motherhood Paradise?) There will also be mocktinis and other drinks to suit your fancy. For a look at the planned weekend agenda, click here: What’s On?  Continue reading

Girl Drama & A Helicopter Mama

 

helicopter meme

 

tuka tuka tuka tuka tuka tuka tukA tuKA tUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA TUKA! 

Do you hear that? That’s me, helicoptering in. I’m flying low here, binoculars at the ready. I just can’t seem to help myself! I’m not always a helicopter parent, by the way. It’s just that lately I’ve been feeling compelled to keep a watchful eye over my middle daughter, Zed.

It seems things are getting a tad rocky on the friendship front. She and her girlfriends just aren’t as close and loyal to one another, as they once were. It’s bound to happen, I guess.

They’re testing out the friendships’ boundaries, through trial and error. I’m pretty sure unappealing feelings like jealousy and insecurity have been creeping in. Hormones may even be playing a part, here. Words (and silence) are being used as weapons and also as shields. They aren’t being as nice to each other as they once were and they’ve been falling out for weeks.

But this is how kids grow and learn. This is how kids develop their strength of character, right? I know… but being human (especially a female human) can be complex at times. And I feel for my little Zed as she faces all this complication, alongside her friends.

I know how it is. I get it! I’ve been a little girl, and a bossy one to boot. I understand that all of this is a process that they need to navigate through. But it’s hard not to hover above, in my mom-copter!

This morning, at school drop-off, a few pals, who up until recently would have waited for Zed, didn’t wait. Instead they pretended not to see us and they just walked by, heads tilted in the opposite direction.

“That’s not very nice.” I’d said, loudly enough for the girls to hear. “You can walk with your sisters, Zed,” I added. So, that’s what she did.

I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn’t.

It’s just that Zed is a thoughtful, kindhearted kid by nature. This is not to say that she hasn’t taken part in some of the current drama. I’m sure she has. But, most often, she treats people well and she likes to keep the peace (she is the middle child, after all). She’s a sweet girl and it’s hard to see her go through this. Though I know she’ll be okay.

So, I think it’d be best if, from now on, I fly my copter a wee bit higher. Zed and her friends will navigate through these growing pains in their own time, they don’t need me hovering around. But first, before I fly off into the distance to find the perfect look-out, I need to make a few calls to the other moms.

 

 

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

 

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00067]

 

 

Sweet Kisses (A Kiss & Tell + Martini Recipe)

 

Beauty Young Woman Blowing Hearts from her Hands. St. Valentines

Feel the power!

Hey there, Sweet Lips. Yes, I’m talking to you! When was the last time those lovely lips of yours felt the gorgeously, sweet; heart-melting bliss of a kiss?  For me, it was this morning. My youngest daughter planted one on me, while I slept. It was meant to be the kiss of a princess and, well, I guess that made me the queen or perhaps I was supposed to be the prince?

Who knows what the intentions were. But, for that simple moment in time (the moment before we succumbed to our usual morning routine), I was the queen; a smiling, happy queen.

And then, at the breakfast table, we argued about why Nutella, in a bowl, is not an acceptable meal choice and why putting your foot on your sister’s plate is not a cool thing to do. (Even under the guise of Table Yoga). And, just like that, the sweetness of our morning’s start got overshadowed by the battles-at-hand.

Yet, the power of the kiss was still there! It was still emanating its simple message–though hard to see through the angry growls and furrowed brows.

Besides, a new kiss would surely take its place again sometime soon.

Because even if hugs, kisses, smiles, and moments of connection are followed by a toddler meltdown, a sibling showdown, or a battle of wills; those sweet, little acts of affection have real power. They have the power to ground us, in the moment that we’re in, and remind us of what really matters.

And what really matters is: LOVE.

We are privileged to have it and to be able to share it with our kids and our partners, our family and our friends.

So, in honour of those sweet (and oh-so-powerful) kisses, I present: The Sweet Kisses Martini.

 

Sweet Kisses Martini 3

 

For moms who give and receive the sweetest of kisses.

 

 

What you’ll need:

  • 2 oz. of vodka
  • 1 oz. of passion fruit liqueur
  • 1 oz. of cranberry juice
  • 2 slices of lime (one for garnish)

Method:

  1. Fill a metal shaker with ice and add the above ingredients, including the juice of one large lime slice.
  2. Shake, shake, shake your booty and your shaker.
  3. Strain the beautiful mixture into your martini glass of choice.
  4. Garnish with a lime (and a kiss).

 

Toast: to sweet kisses, to hits and misses, and to love.

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

 

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00067]

 

The Massage

Masseur doing massage the head of an adult woman in the spa salo

So relaxing, peaceful, and …. WTF?!

 

As a Mother’s Day gift, from our kind husbands, my girlfriend Amy and I were sent out for an afternoon of indulgence and relaxation. Both of us pregnant, and with little ones at home, we were grateful for the chance to be de-stressed and pampered.

Our afternoon began with high tea, whilst overlooking Manchester’s city centre, where we savoured gourmet finger sandwiches and gorged our pregnant selves silly, on tiny cakes.

This ever-so traditional English experience, was followed by a spa treatment of a less traditional nature. We were rubbed and scrubbed from head to toe for sixty heavenly minutes…

Sigh. 

And afterwards, feeling both rejuvenated and useless, we beached our indulged bodies on lounge chairs in the spa’s relaxation room. There, peppermint tea in hand, Amy and I had the following conversation:

Amy: “That citrus oil was sooo nice. I think I’ll buy some.”

Me: : “It was nice. You should.”

Amy: “What a great massage. So relaxing. I don’t even want to move!”

Me: “I know. Me neither. I have to admit, though, I was a bit caught off guard by the boob rub…”

Amy: (unbeaching herself with a shocking level of agility) “The what rub?”

Me: “Boob rub… You know, when she put on the anti-stretch mark lotion?”

Amy: “Are you kidding me?! What do you mean?”

Me: “What do you mean? You didn’t have one?”

Amy: “NO!? Like… When? How?”

Me: “Well, she was applying the shea butter, in a circular motion, on my bump and surrounding area and then she gave my boobs a total rub down! It was sort of like a slow motion, holistic version, of Tune in Tokyo. Only slightly less awkward.”

Amy: “Oh my GOD!” (starts laughing).

Me: ….

Amy: “Sooo. How was it?”

Me: “Well, after the initial “what the hell?” moment, it was actually sorta nice.”

Amy: (suddenly serious) “Wait a minute. Why did you get a boob rub and I didn’t?”

Me: “I don’t know! I guess you’ll have to ask for Jessica, next time…”

*******

Well, next time never did happen. Neither Amy, nor I, called to book a massage with Jessica. A surprise boob rub is one thing but signing up for a pre-planned one, is a bit too X-rated for us suburban moms. Instead, life carried on as it always had; after I answered a few predictably basic questions, from my husband, that is. Yes, she was hot and yes, I actually did like it.

 

This post first appeared on BLUNTmoms.

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00067]

 

Hey Pilates Teacher, Lose the Latte

bigstock-Female-hands-holding-hot-mug-c-73013134.jpg

I saw you today, on my way out of yoga. You were there, waiting for the studio to clear, so you and the others could pile in. There seemed to be, as usual, a decent turn out. At least 20 people were waiting, mats at the ready, smiles on their faces. You were clearly prepared, too, with your usual instructional tool and attire…

I fought back my annoyance as I passed through the group. You see, I attended your Pilates class three times last year and haven’t been back. Unfortunately, you are the main instructor at the gym, so I haven’t done Pilates since then. I have, instead, chosen to do yoga and to use the machines and weights.

I used to like Pilates, so I feel a bit peeved. But… only when I see you with your latte.

Yes, when I see you, in your chosen gym garb, Starbucks in hand, I’m reminded of the three classes that I spent sweating on a mat at your whim. I’d been there, following your instructions, holding my plank until my arms turned to jelly, sweating it out through the 100 as you lead the session- using nothing but your voice. You’d sat there, at the front of the room, cupping your latte in both hands as if relaxing fireside, on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

The first time you did this, I simply assumed you weren’t feeling well. The second time, when you were sitting all cosy-like, again, I wondered if maybe you had a bad back or morning sickness, perhaps. I noted that the others in the class seemed unfazed by your lack of participation and the fact that you were actually sporting a fucking poncho!

So, curious as to WTF?!, I asked the lady next to me: “Does she always teach from a seated position while sipping a coffee?” She smiled and told me that yes, in fact, she did.

Well, that was it!

I was done.

Maybe the others didn’t mind being guided by the voice of the Chillaxing Champion of Canada, but I did! And I can’t imagine I’m the only one who doesn’t want to gaze upon a coffee-sipper while sweating my core off.

We get it, winter is cold and demotivating. We all know this! Which is why we come to you. We need you to energize us and inspire us. We need you to put us in motion not to ignite in us a feeling of envy over your Starbucks and your Boho shawl with tassels. (Which is really gorgeous, by the way.) You see, Pilates class isn’t the time to stay comfy or to see how close you can get to full fetal, while remaining upright. It’s just not the place for that. When we, the students, look up, sweat dripping from our brow, we want to see you exercising too.

So do us a favour, Moonbeam, next time- leave your poncho and your Starbucks at the door. Is this really too much to ask?

 

This post originally ran on BLUNTmoms. 

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! Available now on Amazon.

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00067]