If You Give a Mom a Martini…

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If you give a mom a martini,

And a weekend with her friends

She’ll talk and laugh and laugh some more

Live it up, until the end!

Because a mom who’s with her girlfriends

Is a happy mom indeed.

She can just be who she is,

Let her inner-self be freed!

If you give a mom a martini

Fireside, by the lake

That mom will be so thankful

For the comfort and a break.

And if that mom does eat,

Tasty food made just for her,

A smile will form upon her face

Like a kitty cat’s gracious prrrrrrrr.

And if that weekend ends

With, say, a mom who’s stuck in traffic,

It frets her not, for she is calm

And feeling so fantastic.

And even if once home,

 “re-entry” is a bitch

She’ll  still be chillin’ inside

For in memories, she is rich

So give a mom a martini.

And a weekend away

Just give her a martini, dammit!

She, too, deserves to play.

This poem has been inspired by Moms’ Martini Getaway at Bonnie View Inn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What Makes a Mom Say: “F*ck a Duck!”?

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Occasionally, in this motherhood life that we live, swearing is necessary. You know it. I know it. It’s just a fact.

Sometimes we shout our swear words.

Sometimes we mumble them.

Sometimes we implement middle finger yoga.

Often times, we simply think our swear words; no need for vocals or gestures.

Recently, I’ve noted myself being super “mom-like” with the very hip usage of the phrase: “Fuck a duck!”

I used to just say a simple: “Fuck!”  Sometimes, I still do.  But since becoming a mom, somehow along the way, I’ve added “a duck” to my “fuck.”

And I’m not the only one!  I recently reached out to friends, in real life and online, and discovered that I was not the only mom who has added “a duck” to her “fuck.”

I then became curious as to what was making my fellow moms swear, this week. So I asked them. These were their hilarious responses:

What makes a mom say: “Fuck a duck!”?

  1. When I put the milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge. – Cousin Beckster, Canada
  2. When I spend 10 minutes I don’t have looking for my phone with my phone in my hand. – Maureen from Magnificence in the Mundane
  3. When I have a puking princess and a dog that refuses to shit outside. Andrea from Get Fit with Andrea Luna.
  4. When we return from a beautiful 2 week vacation in the Caribbean and can’t find the keys to the car. After we, along with the flight attendants, tear apart the carry-ons, I make sure to tell my husband this would never have happened if I had been in charge of the keys! I then find the keys in my pocket, once we get home. –Tammy, Canada
  5. When I wake up to my husband sporting a raging boner, and at that moment I remember I’m no longer on my period… – Anonymous in Canada.
  6. While mid downward dog, I discover baby shit on my yoga pants. – Amy, USA.
  7. When a fart is more than just a fart and you are at a christening for the day. Anonymous in the USA
  8. When I spend one hour cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom; everything is in pristine condition and I am finally at peace. Five minutes later, I return to find a pile of cheese wrappers, a banana peel, and a wadded napkin on the kitchen counter top directly ABOVE the trash can. Writer, Alison Huff.
  9. When I sit through a 4 hour flight with baby shit all over my shirt. Dana, Canada.
  10. When my 2 year-old writes with gold sharpie on my dark granite. ALL over it. And my 7 yr old walks around the house vomiting through the night. Donna, USA

Fuck a duck, indeed!

There is never a shortage of  fuck a duck-worthy situations in the life of a mom which is why we deserve a nice martini to toast with as we digress into the moment at hand.

Therefore, I present The Fuck a Ducktini:

Ducktini

For moms who digress… 

What you’ll need:

  • 1 oz. of vodka
  • 1 oz. of pineapple juice
  • 1 oz. orange juice
  • 1. oz of Baby Duck Sparkling wine.

Method:

  1. Fill a metal shaker with ice and add the above ingredients, including the juice of one large lime slice.
  2. Shake, shake, shake your booty and your shaker.
  3. Strain this bad girl into your martini glass.
  4. Garnish with a duck and zero fucks.

Toast: to swearing, to sharing, and to … ducks.

 

Did you know that Shannon Day and 36 other fab writers have created a book? Well, it’s actually a martini guide too. If you like funny, ridiculous, and heartstring-tugging stories of motherhood (+ easy-to-make martini & mocktini recipes) then you’ll love Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?!  Available now on Amazon.

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A Glamorous Pee (among other things) in NYC

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These Clarks were made for walking. Good thing Carrie Bradshaw didn’t see. My Clarks, yes they were awesome On the streets of NYC

That’s right. I hit the streets of NYC in comfort this week and feel very lucky to have done so. I love New York and getting the chance to go there with my hubby really was worth all the effort (and anxiety!) We left the house at 6am, after a sleepless night (for me). I was convinced my alarm wouldn’t go off so I kept checking it. I was sporting some decent eye luggage by the time we set off and I also had a churning, sick feeling in my stomach because I was leaving my little ladies BUT I knew they’d be safe and happy at home with my parents. Besides, a getaway like this is not be missed!

We had lots of fun, although hubby was working part of the time, while I was Carrie Bradshaw-ing in a local café. I did suffer a touch of self-inflicted illness though, for the first part of day two, but was able to pull it together after some Advil and a nap.

Over the past two days in NYC I’ve laughed a lot. I’ve also shaken my head in disbelief a few times. I’ve appreciated my life and was almost flattened by a bus. Sinatra really sums it up for a lot of New Yorkers. They do it “their way,” like Frank. I’ve taken a few thoughts away with me this week…. NYC pic Here are 5 NYC-inspired truths:

  1. You don’t need a stage or even a dance floor to showcase your talent. Starbucks is a perfect spot for solo line-dancing. The world is your stage so get out there and own it!
  2. The Naked Cowboy is now a tame fixture in Times Square, since the arrival of the thong wearing, body painted ladies that is. How will their nipples fair in the winter months? That is the question…
  3. The smells of NYC streets and subways can threaten strongly to tip a delicate stomach over the edge. Therefore alcohol consumption should be monitored, carefully. The difference between 3 and 5 martinis can be significantly felt the next day. Drink wisely.
  4. Naps make everything better. Even when you’re in an exciting city filled with hustle and bustle.  If bed is calling, go to it.
  5. It is a bit glamorous to have a pee, in a W/C with a big window that overlooks the city’s skyline (in particular the Empire State building).  Note* If you’d like to experience a glamorous pee, like me, go for a cocktail at The Standard in the Meat Packer’s District.

Go on, Put your Feet Up…

Go on, Put your Feet up...

Remember when you first brought your new baby home?
You were shell-shocked and overwhelmed but your heart was filled with a new kind of love, one stronger than anything you’d ever known. This feeling of endless love was, by no means, your only emotion. There was also a greater sense of worry and of wonder as you embarked upon the first of many learning curves in your journey as a parent.  Fast forward to the teen years and here you are shell- shocked again…

Click on these crazy feet to read the today’s post.  It’s over at: inBetween Magazine

And The Liebster Award goes to…

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I was recently nominated for The Liebster Award by Susan Lee Maccarelli, who blogs over at Pecked to Death by Chickens. Thanks so much Susan! I indeed accept this award with much gratitude.  Susan and I met, via Twitter, a few months ago due to our common appreciation for bathroom getaways.  She has a great sense of humour and her blog is definitely worth a gander so check out Pecked to Death by Chickens for some down-to-earth parenting humour and more…

Now, in order to accept this award I am required to share 11 random facts about myself. So, here goes…

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