The “Solo Date” Promise

The Promise

Promise to partake in a simple pleasure at least once a week. Like a solo date, with yourself! Promise to do this with the intention of enjoying quality time in your own company and, of course, to take a break from it all. Think of it as your time to reconnect with yourself.

Choosing your Pleasure

When it comes to deciding what to do, choose something that makes you feel peaceful or energized or happy or indulged- whatever you’re in the mood for. It can be different each time or it can be the same, like a little tradition that you share with yourself. Maybe it’s a bit of time with a cup of tea and a magazine. Or perhaps it’s a bubble bath and glass of wine. Maybe it’s a movie night or a therapeutic browse at your favourite store. You could always curl up with a cozy blanket and a crossword puzzle. Or maybe you’d like to try your hand at story writing. You could go for a nice walk or take a trip to a coffee shop- just you and your book. You could give yourself a manicure or do a hot oil treatment on your hair. It doesn’t really matter what you choose to do as long as it’s something that’s just for you and yourself to enjoy –preferably uninterrupted.  (Easier said than done, I know).

Living the Dream

Choose your simple pleasure and make it happen. No excuses! Think of it as a very important appointment with yourself. Remember there’ll never be the perfect time when you’ve got everything done. You’ll just have to seize the moment. Or schedule it in, if that works for you. If things get really chaotic, and you can feel your solo date plans slipping away, adjust. Commit to a shorter, less indulgent, (better than nothing) date like a 5 minute chill, whereby you take a blanket, light a candle, and just lay there, for 5 minutes of quiet. (It’s the solo date version of spooning). Just sneak away and do this.You may end up with a 1 minute personal spooning session and you may hit the jackpot and get 10 whole minutes, alone.

Another way to create some date time (in a pinch) is to take something that you already do, like shower, and treat it differently. As you step into the shower, pretend you’re at the spa. Use some nice products, stay in a bit longer, and if a little person turns up at the shower door-simply pretend you can’t see or hear them …

Keep aiming for genuine date time for yourself, though, and do so as often as possible. We all deserve to spend some time in our own company, to reconnect and rejuvenate. Who knows, we may even get to know ourselves better; one solo date at a time.

Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness

With a downward facing dog, and a fart, we were off! Destination: Crazy Town.

At some point last night, our king-sized mattress exceeded its capacity of one additional guest. I ended up in my middle daughter’s bed and she in mine. Some might say we need to insist on better boundaries or that we should lay down the rules of sleep etiquette. Personally, I don’t view any of it as a problem. It’s not every night that we have company in our beds.

Sometimes, we get a full night of peace. Other times, we have sleep talkers and sleep walkers and bad dreams. Often, we luck out and get a little snuggler first thing in the morning.

The fact is, sleep gets interrupted. It’s part of parenthood. And, my husband and I have come to accept it.

But one thing we can’t seem to accept is that a night, in a hotel room, as a family of five, just doesn’t work. We don’t seem to learn. And every time we give it a shot, without fail; it all goes to hell.

At home, we have space and doors. If silliness happens, we can utilize those doors and the space. We can even play musical beds if need be. At home we can go to sleep when we are ready to…

But, in a hotel room, we become our youngest daughter’s captives…

I wrote about one of those nights, in Crazy Town. It happened at an airport hotel last year.

“It was our final night, after a busy few weeks visiting friends and family in the UK. Hubby had booked a hotel room at the Manchester airport. The idea was that not only would it make our early morning departure a bit less early but it would also be a nice way for the five of us to wind down after a very sociable few weeks.

The kids would have a bubble bath. We’d order room service and watch a movie. Best of all, we’d get a good night’s sleep and be rested and ready for our early start in the morning and the long day ahead.

This was the plan anyway. And this is likely how it would’ve gone down had Mini (age 4) not fallen asleep in the car on the way to the hotel…”

Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness

You can read about my tale of survival (which began with a downward facing dog and a fart) in the 2nd Edition of Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness. Available on Amazon.ca, Amazon.co.uk and at Amazon.com.

Behind Every Ugly Sun #OnlyTrollops

Mom and daughter with false mustaches

I’ve got my fingers, my toes, and even my legs crossed right now. Reason being, I’m hopeful that someday my kids will think as highly of me, as I do of my own mom.

Yup. I’m all twisted up into a yoga-like tree pose. Everything is crossed as I send out my requests into the universe. I am willing the presence of some positive energy to head my way. I, a mother of three girls, appreciate all the energy that I can get! I’ll also need a blast of hope, a splash of luck, and a sploosh of peace.

They’re are all on the wish list, here, while I twist and cross with all my might. Bring it on, universe. Send your strength my way!

Yes, positive energy certainly can’t hurt but I know that I need to do more than cross everything and hope for the best to get my girls and I where we want to be. I know what it takes to get where my mom and I are today. It takes patience. It takes a shitload of patience. And knowing what I need to do and doing what I need to do are two very different things. The battle is very real, right moms!? Tell me I’m not alone, here.

I wrote about my efforts (and my slips) as I aim to master the art of patience, as taught and modelled by my mom. You can read my story, entitled: Behind Every Ugly Sun. It’s part of Crystal Ponti’s latest anthology!

Only Trollops

Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee The Crazy, Brilliant, and Unforgettable Lessons that We’ve Learned from our Mothers is available, on Kindle and in print, over at Amazon.com , Amazon.co.uk, and Amazon.ca. Just in time for Mother’s Day!

I’ve gotta say, I am feeling pretty confident that my mom will like her gift this year…

Introducing the WTF?! Contributors

Meet the WTF!? contributors! for our upcoming book: Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF!? #WonderWoeWTF

Tipsy Squirrel Press

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WTF Sarah Del Rio Pic

Sarah del Rio is a comedy writer whose award-winning humor blog est. 1975 brings snark, levity, and perspective to the ladies of Generation X.

Despite being a corporate refugee with absolutely no formal training in English, journalism, or writing of any kind, Sarah manages to earn her daily bread as a freelance writer and editor. She has also contributed to several anthologies, including I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone, the latest installment in the national-bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series.

Sarah’s blog est. 1975has won several awards, including Funniest Blog in The Indie Chicks 2014 Badass Blog Awards. She contributes regularly to BLUNTMoms and has made frequent appearances on The Huffington Post Best Parenting Tweets of the Week List. She has also been featured on Scary Mommy, TODAY Parents, In the Powder Room, and the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. You can also…

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Introducing the Woe Contributors…

Meet the Woe writers for our upcoming book: Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF!? #WonderWoeWTF

Tipsy Squirrel Press

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Woe Shannon DayWhen she’s not spooning her kids on the couch, complaining about the crunchiness of the kitchen floor, or perfecting her towel folding skills, Shannon can be found cocktail shaking and story making over at her site: Martinis & Motherhood. There she ponders the meaning of life, while poking fun at her hot hubby.

Shannon is co-founder of Tipsy Squirrel Press and co-editor of Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! She is a regular contributor for BLUNTmoms and her writing can be found in various online publications, including: Mamapedia, Scary Mommy, Huffington Post, Mamalode, In the Powder Room, Pregnant Chicken, and Sweatpants & Coffee. You can also find some of her stories in print as she’s a contributing author to a few anthologies. Connect with Shannon Day on Facebook and Twitter.

Woe Tara

Tara Wilson is an always-distracted Canadian mom of three tween girls, living in the same suburban town outside Toronto in which she grew up. She writes about raising kids…

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Introducing the Wonder Contributors…

Meet the Wonder contributors for the upcoming book: Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF!? 12 tales of Wonder, 12 tales of Woe and 12 tales of WTF?! (each with a customized martini for celebrating with!) Available in JUNE!

Tipsy Squirrel Press

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Wonder LynnLynn Morrison is the mouthy woman behind the blog The Nomad Mom Diary. She’s not afraid to admit that she wears sweatpants too often, fails at sucking it in and has, on occasion, hidden delivery pizza boxes from her skinny husband. From thought-provoking to outrageously funny to almost unbearably sad, Lynn’s emotions come through loud and clear in everything she writes. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Angila Peters is a Gemini who dislikes long walks throughout her home, stepping on Lego. She is also a freelance writer living in southern Ontario. She spends her days slapping peanut butter and jelly sandwiches together for her kids’ lunches, and then remembers peanuts are banned.

She has been a writer since her pen made real words in her coveted Scholastic journal. And by words, she drew hearts with boys names in the middle. Considering her expertise on young men…

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Hey Moms! Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! Is Officially in Progress

Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! is officially in progress. Here’s an update from Tipsy Squirrel Press …

Tipsy Squirrel Press

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After a challenging selection process, the story line-up had been chosen! And soon, we will introduce you to the 36 authors who will grace the pages, of this unique anthology. These moms will share their personal tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! plus some tasty customized martinis, with you!

There will be heartfelt stories (with not even a hint of cheese) that’ll fog up your glasses and make you feel even luckier to be a mom. There will be scenarios, and hilarious turns of phrase, that’ll make you spit out your coffee and run off to the loo. There will be relatable, and sometimes unbelievable, mom-sufferings, told with humour- sure to make you feel a bit less alone and maybe even proud of your own tales of survival.

Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder Woe & WTF?! will make you feel like you’ve just shared some drinks, some stories, and some laughs with a group of fun moms, who remind you of your own pals. The book is currently in production mode but will be here…

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An Open Letter to the Sweatpants that Almost Ruined my Marriage (Eva is right!)

Young woman at home sitting on modern chair in front of window r

You weren’t my usual type, yet I felt drawn to you at first sight. Your allure was undeniable, and before I knew it, my hands were all over you. Inspecting, caressing, and imagining you on me.  At the thought of all the things we’d do together, I made a decision then and there.  You were coming home with me.

$16.99 later, plus the $100.00 worth of additional and inevitable Target purchases, we exited the store and were homeward bound.

I could hardly wait to get out of my restrictive yoga pants and into you.

The sky was the color of you, grey. Not quite fifty shades of grey, but grey nonetheless.

It was the perfect kind of day for the two of us to share some quality couch time together.  I didn’t know it just then, but you were about to become my favorite mistake.

The moment I slid my legs into you, I knew you were a good fit. You felt like home to me—saggy and baggy in all the right places. I’d never felt so comfortable, so accepted. That moment marked the beginning of a love affair so foreign and all-encompassing that I became blinded for days, as to what was going on (or not going on) around me.

We’d become inseparable.

The moment I woke up, I reached for you… Ok, ok- who am I kidding?  We slept together every night.  I just couldn’t bear to part from you (I did shower, though!). It’s just that you felt so good.

I wasn’t ready to admit it, but the truth was: with you in my life, all other things had fallen to the wayside. My husband was away and, to be frank, I wasn’t even missing him.

It wasn’t until day three, that I started to tap into the adverse effects of our time together. We’d “become one” so quickly that I’d, sort of, lost my bearings. You were hindering my productivity and my connection with my husband.  He had called several times but… I was with you, on the couch and … I couldn’t move!  This needed to change but I felt completely helpless to your lure.

I would verbalize my intentions daily, hoping that would give you hints as to what I needed from you. “I am going to be cleaning this afternoon,” I’d announce each morning, feeling hopeful.  But when the evenings rolled around, I’d be no further ahead.  Still optimistic that you were good for more than just one thing, I’d end the day with plans for a better tomorrow. “What a busy morning I’ll be having,” I’d say, willing it to be true.

I’d wanted so much for you to have my back, for you to support me in the things that I needed to do. But you couldn’t do that, could you? You cared more about your own agenda, which was just being with me, on the couch.

Cracks in our union were starting to show.

And, I admit it- the affair was beginning to feel trashy. Dirty, even.

My daughter’s birthday party was the next day, and having indulged myself over the past days with you, I now had tons to get done around the house. So, I ignored your silent pleas and I went out to cut the grass.  I also decided to drain some rainwater off the pool cover, with a pump that would send the water across the front lawn and out onto the street. The decision to combine these two activities would be one that I’d soon regret. In the short term, anyway.

I was only a few laps into my lawn mowing venture, when a cruel twist of fate landed me on my ass. My foot had slipped in the waterlogged grass and somehow, I ended up with wet slicks of dirt on my left knee and on my right ass cheek. I was up in a flash, though, and with an energy level that you’d most certainly disapprove of, my lazy lover.

So, I finished cutting the grass looking like a lopsided Sasquatch.  I then went immediately back inside to do laundry. It was the first load I’d done all week.

And there it was. A forced separation. I felt naked without you as I squeezed into my yoga pants. Yuck. They felt awful. I was eager to get back into you, where I belonged, yet a little part of me knew that a break would do us both some good.

The dinner hour arrived, and then it was bath and bedtime. After that I vacuumed and dusted, hung up streamers, blew up balloons and filled goody bags. I was in motion again, and it felt pretty great. Many hours went by and, I’m sorry to say, you didn’t even cross my mind.

I’d forgotten about you. And, man, did I ever get a lot done!

We spent the rest of the night, and all of the next day, apart. It was a fun party and, if I’m honest, it wouldn’t have felt right having you there. You’re not really classy enough.

Sorry, but it’s the truth.

We were reacquainted later that night, and though it was good to be together again, something felt different. Had the washing machine rinsed away your appeal? It seems our time apart hadn’t made my heart grow fonder.  I didn’t know how or why, but the fact was, the spark just wasn’t there for me anymore.

The honeymoon period was officially over.  Our short-lived love affair had been a case of too much too soon, I’d say.  It’d been good while it lasted but you need to hear this, my dear sweatpants, you’re too needy! You’re also selfish and indulgent and the fact is: I’ve got shit to do! I’ve got a husband, you know. And a family who needs me. I’ve also got work to do and I just don’t have time for you, right now.

I’m sorry it had to come to this. I really am! But, Eva Mendes is right! Sweatpants cause divorce. With you around, there is no question in my mind, that my husband and I were heading for the big D!

So take heed and beware, ladies, sweatpants are more (much more) than just comfy…

Inside the Mind of a Mom, who has PMS

Crazy housewife with kitchen tools

I’m alone in the kitchen, making lunch.

My face is sporting the expression commonly referred to as: Resting Bitch Face. Although, mine isn’t really resting; my forehead is in on the action, too. I am all scrunched up, like a pug. A confrontational (or perhaps constipated) pug.

In the distance I can hear them. They’re calling my names:

“BABE!”

“MOMMY!”

“MOOOOOOOOM!”

My face is speaking what my mouth isn’t saying although, I’m not sure what my problem is. What the hell is up my ass, anyway? And, what’s wrong with my face?

Ahhhhhhh. It dawns on me. And with a quick feel, I’m relieved to discover that, yes, my boobs are in fact sore. I exhale with relief as my sneer turns into a half-assed smirk. I’m very pleased to know that my irritability is due to hormones which means my desire to flee, will soon pass.

This is good news. Very good news, indeed.

I’ll just ride out the next few days. I’ll aim not to ruffle or to get ruffled. And before I know it, I’ll get my joy back!

In the meantime, I’m confident that the agitated beast, within, can be kept at bay. As long as I remember she’s in there and I don’t get caught off guard. (This is the challenge.)

“MOOOOOOOOOOM!”

It’s only for a few days… But, I have to say, this inner bitch really is relentless. She’s completely kicked my sense of humour to the curb and morphed me into a crone-like version of myself. She does this at the same time. Every month.

So, as to not hinder the happiness of my family members, I will do my best to avoid lashing out.

Just. Lay. Low. This will be my goal.

“MOOOOOOOOOOM!”

Why do they insist on shouting from across the house?!

If I can just keep my moods bubbling here under the surface, that would be best. My family shouldn’t have to suffer, right? As long as they don’t leave excessive messes around for me to clean, we’ll be good!

Lunches are made and now … off to shift the laundry. Grrrrrrrrrr. Who left a Kleenex in their pocket?!

Yes, my irritation will linger and poke and prod (unbeknownst to the rest of them) if everyone could just….. I really fucking hate Kleenex!

But, as I was saying: it’s only for a few days so I’m going to do my best to tame this inner….

“MOOOOOOOOOOOM!”

“MOM!”

“I said MOM, first!”

Little feet are stampeding their way down the stairs. They’re coming for me! And they’re bickering. I’ve got Kleenex mixed into all my darks and CLINK I just heard my husband leave his dirty bowl on the counter….

“MOOOOOOOOM! She hit me!”

Maybe we should leave town, my inner bitch and I.

Just for a few days…

*Fills a bag with tampons, chocolate, and sweatpants. Sneaks out side door*