In and Out of Tune With My Inner June (Cleaver)

June CleaverYesterday morning, I was the ultimate Stepford Mom (in my mind).

I’d produced a picnic, complete with: butterfly shaped sandwiches, homemade chocolate chip muffins, and a healthy fruit salad. I even had a checkered tablecloth all packed up. I was on fire, damn it!

But soon, my inner June Cleaver threatened to give way to my inner Crazy Mom. That bitch creeps in when June and I get ignored during crucial moments, like when time is tight. And, sure enough, a time-is-tight moment had arrived. After getting carried away in the kitchen, we were officially going to be late! So, of course, it wasn’t long before June and I were faced with that fork in the road, where Lunatic Lane meets Pleasantville Crescent…

To read about what happens to June, Crazy Mom, and me head over to BLUNTmoms.

The Day I Cycled from Niagara to China: A Wine Tour Tale

From Pigs to Pinot

We’ve decided to do a wine tour in Niagara-on-the-Lake and I’m about to get on a bike for the first time in years.

Memories of being on a bicycle in China come to mind.

Our friends have their hearts set on cycling from winery to winery so with a hint of reluctance, we’ve agreed to it.

Like a child first learning to ride, I wobble and sway and then with an unstoppable smile and a genuine concern for my own safety… I’m off!

Off like the wind, not off in a ditch.

The sun is shining and I’m feeling wild and free because I don’t have to worry about the kids. They’re happy at home, doing crafts and having fun with my parents. And also because, riding a bike feels foreign, refreshing and so does the peacefulness of the nature around us.

Our laughter fills the air.

To the wineries we’ll go… Continue reading

Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! (Now Available)

So excited to announce: THE BOOK IS AVAILABLE!

Tipsy Squirrel Press

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Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! is now available on Amazon (CanadaUSAUK and more) in print and Kindle version. * Note, Canadians who’d like to buy the print version of the book will need to order from amazon.com as it is not yet available on amazon.ca.

Martinis and motherhood go hand in hand, but not in a drown-your-sorrows sort of way. We view the relationship, between mom and martini, sort of like that of child and ice cream sundae. It’s a treat! One that busy moms deserve to indulge in. Martini (or mocktini) sipping is a celebratory, and victorious, act best enjoyed in the company of fellow mom friends. Here, within the pages of Martinis & Motherhood you’ll find heart string yanking stories of wonder, coffee spewing tales of woe, and utterly ridiculous accounts of WTF?!; all written by moms who are a lot like…

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The “Solo Date” Promise

The Promise

Promise to partake in a simple pleasure at least once a week. Like a solo date, with yourself! Promise to do this with the intention of enjoying quality time in your own company and, of course, to take a break from it all. Think of it as your time to reconnect with yourself.

Choosing your Pleasure

When it comes to deciding what to do, choose something that makes you feel peaceful or energized or happy or indulged- whatever you’re in the mood for. It can be different each time or it can be the same, like a little tradition that you share with yourself. Maybe it’s a bit of time with a cup of tea and a magazine. Or perhaps it’s a bubble bath and glass of wine. Maybe it’s a movie night or a therapeutic browse at your favourite store. You could always curl up with a cozy blanket and a crossword puzzle. Or maybe you’d like to try your hand at story writing. You could go for a nice walk or take a trip to a coffee shop- just you and your book. You could give yourself a manicure or do a hot oil treatment on your hair. It doesn’t really matter what you choose to do as long as it’s something that’s just for you and yourself to enjoy –preferably uninterrupted.  (Easier said than done, I know).

Living the Dream

Choose your simple pleasure and make it happen. No excuses! Think of it as a very important appointment with yourself. Remember there’ll never be the perfect time when you’ve got everything done. You’ll just have to seize the moment. Or schedule it in, if that works for you. If things get really chaotic, and you can feel your solo date plans slipping away, adjust. Commit to a shorter, less indulgent, (better than nothing) date like a 5 minute chill, whereby you take a blanket, light a candle, and just lay there, for 5 minutes of quiet. (It’s the solo date version of spooning). Just sneak away and do this.You may end up with a 1 minute personal spooning session and you may hit the jackpot and get 10 whole minutes, alone.

Another way to create some date time (in a pinch) is to take something that you already do, like shower, and treat it differently. As you step into the shower, pretend you’re at the spa. Use some nice products, stay in a bit longer, and if a little person turns up at the shower door-simply pretend you can’t see or hear them …

Keep aiming for genuine date time for yourself, though, and do so as often as possible. We all deserve to spend some time in our own company, to reconnect and rejuvenate. Who knows, we may even get to know ourselves better; one solo date at a time.

Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness

With a downward facing dog, and a fart, we were off! Destination: Crazy Town.

At some point last night, our king-sized mattress exceeded its capacity of one additional guest. I ended up in my middle daughter’s bed and she in mine. Some might say we need to insist on better boundaries or that we should lay down the rules of sleep etiquette. Personally, I don’t view any of it as a problem. It’s not every night that we have company in our beds.

Sometimes, we get a full night of peace. Other times, we have sleep talkers and sleep walkers and bad dreams. Often, we luck out and get a little snuggler first thing in the morning.

The fact is, sleep gets interrupted. It’s part of parenthood. And, my husband and I have come to accept it.

But one thing we can’t seem to accept is that a night, in a hotel room, as a family of five, just doesn’t work. We don’t seem to learn. And every time we give it a shot, without fail; it all goes to hell.

At home, we have space and doors. If silliness happens, we can utilize those doors and the space. We can even play musical beds if need be. At home we can go to sleep when we are ready to…

But, in a hotel room, we become our youngest daughter’s captives…

I wrote about one of those nights, in Crazy Town. It happened at an airport hotel last year.

“It was our final night, after a busy few weeks visiting friends and family in the UK. Hubby had booked a hotel room at the Manchester airport. The idea was that not only would it make our early morning departure a bit less early but it would also be a nice way for the five of us to wind down after a very sociable few weeks.

The kids would have a bubble bath. We’d order room service and watch a movie. Best of all, we’d get a good night’s sleep and be rested and ready for our early start in the morning and the long day ahead.

This was the plan anyway. And this is likely how it would’ve gone down had Mini (age 4) not fallen asleep in the car on the way to the hotel…”

Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness

You can read about my tale of survival (which began with a downward facing dog and a fart) in the 2nd Edition of Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness. Available on Amazon.ca, Amazon.co.uk and at Amazon.com.

Behind Every Ugly Sun #OnlyTrollops

Mom and daughter with false mustaches

I’ve got my fingers, my toes, and even my legs crossed right now. Reason being, I’m hopeful that someday my kids will think as highly of me, as I do of my own mom.

Yup. I’m all twisted up into a yoga-like tree pose. Everything is crossed as I send out my requests into the universe. I am willing the presence of some positive energy to head my way. I, a mother of three girls, appreciate all the energy that I can get! I’ll also need a blast of hope, a splash of luck, and a sploosh of peace.

They’re are all on the wish list, here, while I twist and cross with all my might. Bring it on, universe. Send your strength my way!

Yes, positive energy certainly can’t hurt but I know that I need to do more than cross everything and hope for the best to get my girls and I where we want to be. I know what it takes to get where my mom and I are today. It takes patience. It takes a shitload of patience. And knowing what I need to do and doing what I need to do are two very different things. The battle is very real, right moms!? Tell me I’m not alone, here.

I wrote about my efforts (and my slips) as I aim to master the art of patience, as taught and modelled by my mom. You can read my story, entitled: Behind Every Ugly Sun. It’s part of Crystal Ponti’s latest anthology!

Only Trollops

Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee The Crazy, Brilliant, and Unforgettable Lessons that We’ve Learned from our Mothers is available, on Kindle and in print, over at Amazon.com , Amazon.co.uk, and Amazon.ca. Just in time for Mother’s Day!

I’ve gotta say, I am feeling pretty confident that my mom will like her gift this year…

Introducing the WTF?! Contributors

Meet the WTF!? contributors! for our upcoming book: Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF!? #WonderWoeWTF

Tipsy Squirrel Press

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WTF Sarah Del Rio Pic

Sarah del Rio is a comedy writer whose award-winning humor blog est. 1975 brings snark, levity, and perspective to the ladies of Generation X.

Despite being a corporate refugee with absolutely no formal training in English, journalism, or writing of any kind, Sarah manages to earn her daily bread as a freelance writer and editor. She has also contributed to several anthologies, including I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone, the latest installment in the national-bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series.

Sarah’s blog est. 1975has won several awards, including Funniest Blog in The Indie Chicks 2014 Badass Blog Awards. She contributes regularly to BLUNTMoms and has made frequent appearances on The Huffington Post Best Parenting Tweets of the Week List. She has also been featured on Scary Mommy, TODAY Parents, In the Powder Room, and the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. You can also…

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Introducing the Woe Contributors…

Meet the Woe writers for our upcoming book: Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF!? #WonderWoeWTF

Tipsy Squirrel Press

Promo banner Woe 

Woe Shannon DayWhen she’s not spooning her kids on the couch, complaining about the crunchiness of the kitchen floor, or perfecting her towel folding skills, Shannon can be found cocktail shaking and story making over at her site: Martinis & Motherhood. There she ponders the meaning of life, while poking fun at her hot hubby.

Shannon is co-founder of Tipsy Squirrel Press and co-editor of Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! She is a regular contributor for BLUNTmoms and her writing can be found in various online publications, including: Mamapedia, Scary Mommy, Huffington Post, Mamalode, In the Powder Room, Pregnant Chicken, and Sweatpants & Coffee. You can also find some of her stories in print as she’s a contributing author to a few anthologies. Connect with Shannon Day on Facebook and Twitter.

Woe Tara

Tara Wilson is an always-distracted Canadian mom of three tween girls, living in the same suburban town outside Toronto in which she grew up. She writes about raising kids…

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Introducing the Wonder Contributors…

Meet the Wonder contributors for the upcoming book: Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF!? 12 tales of Wonder, 12 tales of Woe and 12 tales of WTF?! (each with a customized martini for celebrating with!) Available in JUNE!

Tipsy Squirrel Press

Promotional banner WONDER

Wonder LynnLynn Morrison is the mouthy woman behind the blog The Nomad Mom Diary. She’s not afraid to admit that she wears sweatpants too often, fails at sucking it in and has, on occasion, hidden delivery pizza boxes from her skinny husband. From thought-provoking to outrageously funny to almost unbearably sad, Lynn’s emotions come through loud and clear in everything she writes. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Angila Peters is a Gemini who dislikes long walks throughout her home, stepping on Lego. She is also a freelance writer living in southern Ontario. She spends her days slapping peanut butter and jelly sandwiches together for her kids’ lunches, and then remembers peanuts are banned.

She has been a writer since her pen made real words in her coveted Scholastic journal. And by words, she drew hearts with boys names in the middle. Considering her expertise on young men…

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What Happens in Vegas … {Reflections of a Non-Jealous Wife}

One of the highest hands in poker a Spades Royal Flush on a red

My husband is hot. Men envy his muscular physique. Women lust after his sexy, chiseled features. Grandmothers make comments like: “all men should look like that.” Even the babysitter goes all shy when he answers the door.

Whenever he strolls along, hand in hand, with our kids, he’s a magnet for admiring glances. You can just imagine what happened, back in the day, when he was adorned with a baby in a papoose. He got oogled and ogled, of course. Because women, of all ages, just love a hot dad.

He knows he’s gorgeous, though. It’s nothing new.

Just last month he was in Vegas for a work convention. After a night out with some colleagues, he went back to his room to find two bikini-clad 20-somethings in the hallway by his door. The girls, part of a bachelorette weekend, were staying in the room across from him.

They invited my husband to join them for a drink. IN THEIR ROOM!

He declined their offer and told them he was married. The one wet-T champion wannabe, responded that she was engaged (to an ever-so lucky man, I must add) and enquired if he was, in fact, happily married…

So, ya. This is my life! Not every minute but sometimes.

It’s beyond my control, though, because the extra attention and the potential temptations simply come with the territory. My husband is a handsome businessman who travels for work. It’s part of his job to be away from home and he certainly can’t stop the fact that he looks amazing in a suit.

Recently, I was telling the Vegas story to a friend. Her response was: “I would hate that. Don’t you ever worry?” I didn’t have to think about my answer, which was: “No, I don’t.”

The fact is, I trust in my instinct. I trust him. I haven’t any reason not to. And upon further contemplation, I have plenty of reasons to…

Let me count the ways:

  1. He had lots of freedom in his younger years to do what he wanted to do. So I figure, he’s been there and done that.
  2. He has a mind of his own and isn’t swayed to do things he doesn’t want to do. I know he’s capable of saying no.
  3. He’s a dedicated dad who prioritizes time with me and the kids. This lets me know that he values our family.
  4. He calls me when he’s away, to make sure the doors are locked and to ask what we ate for dinner. Yes, this is everyday hum drum chat but it tells me that he cares and that he’s thinking of us.
  5. He makes plans for us to go out, just the two of us or with friends. This shows me that he values our relationship.
  6. Sometimes he tells me that I look beautiful which obviously makes me feel… sort of beautiful.
  7. If he’s away, and depending on the time zone, he’ll text or call me to say good night, every night. I don’t actually, ever have to call him. The man is consistent.
  8. When women do put the moves on him, he tells me about it. This makes me feel like I’m “in the know.”
  9. He also buys me chocolate. Yes, choc-o-late! This indicates, without a doubt, that he gets me. Well, let’s not get carried away BUT he knows that I like chocolate and he brings it to me.
  10. And, finally, a subtle (yet fantastic) indicator that we are doin’ ok is, he smacks my butt.  He does this in passing, on a regular basis. Obviously, butt smacking= I want your ass, which is encouraging. Because as long as he wants mine, he’s less likely to want someone else’s. Am I right?

If that fades away, then maybe I’ll start to worry, but until then my husband has my trust.

So, bikini-clad girls, if you happen to be reading this and before you go chasing after my, or anybody else’s faithful, family-loving husband (I know such qualities do tend to make a man even more lust-worthy) there are a few things you should know.  My man is…one of those loud chewers. Seriously, even when his mouth is closed it’s like “NOM NOM NOM!” He also leaves his snot rags all over the house, you do not want to be around during hay fever season. And he has some serious know-it-all tendencies. Like, majorly. Why am I telling you this? Because… the grass surrounding him, isn’t greener. It’s just different.

So, here’s a tip from a non-jealous wife to all the classy ladies: “Tend to your own lawn or find a vacant patch of meadow where you can frolic wild, and free.” You just want a shag, you say?  A fun night? Well, to that, I reply: “a romp in the Vegas hay is nothing compared to sharing a life with an amazing guy like mine.”  And, in order to share a life with a guy like mine, you’ll need more than a bikini and a room key.